a simple life

i wake up, it’s 8 am. i grab my phone to go through all the notifications asking for my attention. my fiancé is still sleeping, his back turned to me. his freckles exposed. i love him.

i turn around and put my phone away. i want to stay under the blankets but the light coming through the curtains is telling me i need to get up. i slowly walk to the bathroom and see my face in the mirror. i realize that i only want to see myself in the ripples of a lake.

i hear the sounds of traffic coming from the street i live on. they no longer comfort me, they annoy the shit out of me. where are the songs birds sing? why are they not singing here like they do over there, loud and full of hope.

my morning alarm is going off in the bedroom. it’s birds chirping. a grin appears on my face. the irony. i turn it off and walk into the living room. a big black square in the middle of it. what an ugly thing on a white wall. i guess it takes care of my entertainment. i look to my left and see the bricks of the apartment buildings across the street, stacked so neatly. the light on the ceiling doesn’t look anything like a star. the gemstones i own, the plants i deliberately placed in those spots, the wood of the furniture, the smell of incense. it’s all trying to satisfy the craving of the real thing. maybe if i own these things it will make me feel more connected to something that i know so little about.

across the street they are tearing open the pavement to install cables under it. it’s for faster internet. people on electric bikes fly past the workers. as if life isn’t going fast enough.

i tell myself, this is what you want. you want to be able to say you live in an interesting city. you want to pretend you like the cars, the smells, the noises, the parties, the trash. what a sad reality to look for community in a place that reeks of alienation.

i tell myself, the simple life is for boring losers. it’s for old people that have been labelled as irrelevant. i can’t be missing out on the techno raves, the drugs and the opening of a new fancy restaurant that will be all over social media. do i even exist if i am not seen? come on, i want to dance around a black hole with the hope i won’t fall into it. lies keep me moving around it.

i walk past the scentless flowers and stop for a moment. they are beautiful. i know they don’t smell but i still dip my nose in the center of one. a feeling of joy flows through my body. i am thinking about the quiet. i transport back to the place where the sun hits my face while i witness the majestic powers of nature. the feeling of complete calmness and fulfillment with nothing else but what is. i know that this is where happiness lies buried. it’s covered with what i am told i should want.

i walk on. a person smiles at me, i smile back. a little connection made. life can be that simple sometimes.

Thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it!